Jesus apologizes for “brood of vipers” remark

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Jesus (undated file photo).
Jesus (undated file photo).

SAFED, ISRAEL — Jesus has distanced himself from remarks made previously, when he addressed certain Jewish religious leaders as “a brood of vipers,” according to a press release issued this morning by the Office of the Messiah in Israel.

“Jesus regrets that some people were offended by comments he made two thousand years ago,” says the news release. “He was merely expressing the view of his Father in Heaven, and not necessarily his own view.”

“We accept his apology,” said Israel’s Chief Rabbi, Shlomo Amar in a telephone interview. “We appreciate that Jesus is trying to be more seeker sensitive during his second visit to earth.”

Maryam Costco, of the Legion of Mary at St. Judas Parish in Prince George, Canada said the apology was “just spendid,” and credited it to a massive letter-writing campaign undertaken by the Thursday Night Bingo Club last month.

However, student groups at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem were less forgiving, and staged a rally outside the Office of the Messiah this afternoon, demanding Jesus’ resignation. One protester, Chaim Whatsit of the group “Ban Torah Now” called Jesus’ comments “anti-semitic.” Ban Torah Now made headlines last fall when they distributed pamphlets in a Jerusalem market claiming the entire Bible is anti-semitic “except for a few commas, and maybe a semi-colon.”

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